Modesty for the Modern Catholic- Part 3: Modesty in Speech

Many men in my generation and younger speak to women, about women, and in front of women in terrible ways, using horrible language that tears women down and turns what God has designed to be beautiful and holy into something that is dirty and shameful. For many women, young and old, this type of speech from men is all they know.  Men either talk to and about them as sexual objects or ignore them, so many women feel that their worth is in their sexual nature, their ability to fulfill men’s sexual desires, and nothing more.  Many women—even “good,” Christian women would rather have this kind of attention than none at all, and so they not only allow this type of speech, but also engage in it as well because their own immodest speech brings them the attention of the men around them.     

Modesty for the Modern Catholic--Part 1: Introduction to Modesty

Immodesty is everywhere—on television, in ads, on  the street, in your husband’s office, in your children’s school, perhaps in our own dress and conduct.  We have become so indoctrinated by our sex-obsessed culture that we accept immodesty, hardly notice it, or in an attempt to avoid seeming like prudes, we ignore, allow, and even participate in immodest conduct and dress.  I have been all of the above at one time or another. 

It wasn’t until I had my first daughter that I really began to recognize the sex-obsession of our culture, the ridiculousness of many women’s behavior (including my own at one time), and the sad effect this has had on our boys and men.  I examined my own life and found that the many of the songs I listen to, the shows I watch, the way I used to dress, and even my own personal conduct has always not match up with the Catholic values regarding modesty that I want to instill in my daughters. 

  I was inspired to study modesty.  What is it?  What does the church and the bible say about modesty?  What is modesty in marriage? What is the practical application of modesty?

  These are all topics we are going to be studying over the next few weeks in a series, entitled, “Modesty for the Modern Catholic.   My goal—and I hope yours as well—Is to understand the church’s position on modesty, both in dress and in conduct, and learn how to both better align my life with the church’s teaching and instill healthy modesty in my children. 

Search Amazon.com for modesty

 

Mass Bag for the Little Ones

           It's 9:00AM on Sunday morning and I am running around my house like a mad woman, putting shoes on tiny feet, and shoving little arms in teeny jacket arm-holes, pouring some cheerios and milk in small, plastic containers for my toddler and getting my sling ready for the baby.  I find a few small, quiet  toys for my wee ones and get all of us out the door.  I lug the infant seat, diaper bag with one hand and hold my toddler's hand with the other and we waddle into church.  My little darlings are fairly quiet during church, but looking at Down on the Farm and playing with plastic keys don't seem like spiritually fulfilling activities for my little angels.

Simple Living: When You Feel Like You're the Only One

I believe in living simply.  I love our quaint, small house because I am able to stay home with our girls.  It feels like home.  It is cozy and warm.  It calms my spirit.

 But I am embarrassed.  Most of our friends live in newer--see 'brand new'-- homes that are two to three times the size of ours. The main areas of their homes look like pictures from a magazine.   Ours looks, well, lived it. The walls and trim need painted. The kitchen is a little cluttered and we need new floors throughout the house, well, desperately.  I have always been ashamed of our house, felt "less than" because our house doesn't look like those of pretty much everyone we know. 

Some friends of ours stopped by recently--the first time they had been to our house--and I found myself trying to make excuses, embarrassed at how small our house was, how much worked needed to be done on it, how "lived-in" it looks.   I wanted them to see us as being "just like them," yet there we were, naked and exposing the truth.  I spent much of the evening assuring myself that our house is a "work in progress" and that they wouldn't stop liking me because they know that I live differently than them. 

And then it hit me.  Isn't that the point?  Instead of trying to appear to be "just like everyone else," I should be proud of being different.  We can not be salt and light to the earth if our lives mirror those of everyone else.

 We bought an older, smaller home so that I could stay home with our children.  My kitchen is slightly cluttered, because I love cook and bake for my family.  Our garage floor is littered with tools and debris from a small renovation project that we are finishing up--and did ourselves, by the way.  Our back yard is dotted with children's toys and a small garden sits in the back. 

The goal isn't to show people that you can live out Catholic values and still look like everyone else.  The goal is to be an example of a better way, a way that if full of joy, personal growth and fulfillment and peace; a way that brings a family closer together, and closer to God; a way that looks different from society's "perfect picture."  That's the point.  The simple life--the Catholic life--looks different than society's ideal. 

That is part of its beauty. 

I realized that it is not enough to live out this lifestyle in secret, pretending to be just like everyone else, hiding my lamp under a barrel.  To really change people's hearts, to be an example, requires the courage to let people see that we are different and let that light shine bright for all to see.

NFP Versus the Contraceptive Mentality and Acheiving Pregnancy

When we told people that we were pregnant with our second baby, almost every conversation included the question: "Were your trying?"  As a NFP practicing catholic, I find the question slightly offensive and difficult to answer--although I do shamefully admit to having asked the questions myself--and although I don't fit into either option,  answer as best I can:  "Well, yes and no.  Yes, my husband and I decided that we were open to having another child and so would not be charting to avoid pregnancy.  No, we were not charting to achieve pregnancy" (we weren't concerned about having another one immediately).
    
Our culture has completely indoctrinated in us this idea that babies are the result, not of God's providence, but of either conscious effort or poor planning on the part of the parents.   The idea that a couple would simply make a deliberate decision to be open to receiving a child doesn't even appear on the radar screen.  That is what the contraceptive mentality has done to our culture. 

A couple decides that they want to have a child, so they stop using birth control and start looking at fertilty doctors (if they do not acheive pregnancy immediately).  Six weeks after having a baby, they immediately go right back on birth control until they decide they are ready to have another one.  Repeat process.  They are forever either trying to have a baby, or trying to not have a baby.  

While the church teaches that there are indeed times--to be prayerfully determined by the couple--to try to achieve or avoid pregnancy, she also teaches that there is a third state, one largely forgotten among "educated people:" to simply be open to life and allow God to be, well, God.


Eco-Breastfeeding and Infertility after childbirth.
I know what you are thinking.  I just had a baby 2 months ago.  I do not want to have another one right now!  You, my friend have a just reason for postponing pregnancy.  But you do not need to go back on Birth Control.  Aside from using NFP, God has given us a natural way to supress pregnancy--breastfeeding!  By using Eco-Breastfeeding techniques (part of the NFP process), I remained naturally infertile for about 12 months after the birth of my first daughter, at which point, my husband and I decided not to resume charting and "see what happens." About 4 months later, we found out we were 3 months pregnant! 

My husband and I were surprised but ecstatic. I had noticed many of the signs, but dismissed them as signs that my fertility was returning.  Since we were not trying to avoid pregnancy, I was taking all of the proper prenatal precautions, so I was not concerned with finding out immediately, telling myself and others; "I'll figure it out eventually."  What a blessing!  We discovered I was pregnant and had the 20 week ultrasound about a month later.  In four more short months,  we will be holding our new blessing in our arms.

I want to encourage you, to think about your reaction when someone tells you they are pregnant.  Is it in line with Catholic teaching, that all babies are gifts from God, that they do not need to be "planned" per say, or have you, like so many of us been indoctrinated with the teachings of our contraceptive culture. 

For more information about NFP, check out:
http://modernhousewife.hubpages.com/_mhw/hub/Introduction-to-Natural-Family-Planning

Have you experienced negative reactions from family or friends when you announced your pregnancy?  Share your story below!

Mommies Always Need Prayers.

      I happened to be sitting behind a family with several young children at church a few weeks ago and overheard a exchange between mother and son after communion.  Most Catholics kneel and pray after receiving communion.  Upon returning to their pew the young mother in front of me told her son, who was about 7 or 8 years old, to kneel and pray.  The son told his mother that he did not have anything to pray for.  His mother responded, "Then pray for mommy."  
"Why do I need to pray for you?" 
"Mommies always need prayers," she replied.  Upon which her son knelt down on the kneeler, folded his hands and began praying fervently.  


     Afterwards, his father asked him what he prayed about.  The son told him about his prayers for mommy and several other people.  


     I was touched to say the least and felt so blessed to have witnessed this exchange.  What a wonderful example of how to teach children the importance of prayer.  That child was learning not to pray because his mother said so, but to pray because if nothing else, his mommy needed his prayers.


    Remember this exchange the next time your child asks you why he should do something.  "Because i said so" may be adequate, but you'll be missing an opportunity to instill in your child the value behind the action.